Judgment Day by ED MARKOWSKI
At the last second of the last minute of the last hour on the last day, he arrived at the corner of Broadway and Waverly in a super nova silver 1962 T – Bird convertible that was decked out with full moon hubcaps, black velvet bucket seats, skirts, four – hundred ravenous white, red, black, and pale horsemen galloping under the hood, and an absolutely wicked bundle of blonde dynamite who was wrapped from north to south, east to west, head to toe, and beginning to end, in a magnetic black dress, woven from the finest ancient threads of pure lust and desire. The man lit a cigarette, hopped up on the T – Bird’ s trunk, brushed a fly off of his Jeter Jersey, and addressed the crowd ……..
” Ladies and gentlemen, pimps, priests, evangelists, faith healers, popes, deacons, preachers, televangelists, stock market shills, and, all of you bookies, thieves, tea leave seers, tarot card readers, bag ladies, drunks, dopers, and blind beggars with 20 – 20 vision who work vigilantly every day to earn an honest dollar, the woman with me today is my beloved wife, the former Miss Sarah Good of Salem, Massachusetts, who along with eighteen other innocents dangled, swung, and died at the peak of Gallows Hill, put to death by those who dwelt in and defended the stench of my old man ‘s brutal philosophy in 1692.
Now, in defense of my own name, I want each and every one of you to know that I had absolutely nothing to do with any of the fucking lunacy that has stalked, surrounded, mocked, and terrorized all of us for the past two – thousand four – hundred and eighty years. Look at the world you inhabit. War, famine, drought, children killing children, pedophilia, aids, ebola, cancer, heroin, cocaine, and religion.
Think about Adam and Eve. Think Job. Think Cain and Abel. Think about forcing entire families, including defenseless infants and elders, to wander through a desert for forty years. If those examples don ‘t shed enough light on what constitutes a good time in my old man’ s mind, think about this …….. Not only did my old man allow those Roman freaks to hang me, pound nails through my hands and feet, spear me, and quench my thirst with a vinegar soaked sponge, he set the whole thing up.
What kind of father allows his only begotten son to suffer that degree of pain and humiliation? Now, answer this question, If your kids were running a lemonade stand, would you hire the neighborhood rapist to pound nails through their hands and feet in order to satisfy some sick craving for power? Would you pull out the extension ladder so you could witness the horror from the roof of your house? What kind of man would commit such crimes ? My father.
Remember, my old man ‘s the guy who breathed life into Rasputin, The Marquise de Sade, the puritan serial killers who hung my wife, George Custer, Hitler, Stalin, Pol Pot, Chuck Manson, Susie Atkins, Ted Bundy, Jong IL, IL Sung, Osama B., and the guy who runs the other aspect of the old man ‘s empire, Lucifer.
Well, we got together last night. We decided we just couldn’ t let things end the way the old man had written it, so we changed the script. He was executed last night at 11 : 59 and 59 seconds pm. We canceled his insane rapture event. None of you, your friends, loved ones, paper boy, grocer, barber, bookie or mechanic will be going anywhere.
You can rest easy. When your kids board the bus, you won’ t have to worry about the driver ascending or descending on a cloud from behind the steering wheel.
We also decided to shut down the old man ‘s concentration camps. After the inmates were released, heaven and hell were razed. For all of you Catholics in the crowd, we sent in the heavy equipment this morning, purgatory and limbo are no more, so be prepared to meet all the fence sitters and unbaptized infants you thought you’ d never see again.
Ok New York City, Frank told me if I could make it here, the rest would be cake and I’d have the rest of the world on a string. Sarah and I have to be in Boston by eight tonight. We ‘ve got reservations at the Motel Six in Salem. After we tie up a few loose ends, it’ s on to Buffalo, Erie, Cleveland, Detroit, and that Toddlin’ Town.
So, have a great time tonight. Eat, drink, dance, do it with the one you love, or at least like a little bit, and one last thing, now that he’ s been judged, removed, eliminated, and exposed, we ‘re renaming the planet Eden. “